In a few hours, His Imperial Majesty, King Barack
I will make an announcement of some sort on the
topic of immigration. It is widely suspected that He will decree new
law, relying upon the authority granted Him by Congress’s stubborn
refusal to, in a timely fashion, pass a bill meeting His approval.
I predict that essentially all Democrats, especially
those holding national elected office, will agree that doing so is entirely within the lawful powers of the President of the United States, and that claiming otherwise is not merely wrong but insane (and possibly racist). The real fun starts somewhere between the election and inauguration of the next Republican President, when the Democrats will suddenly remember such currently arcane concepts as separation of powers and rule of law.
I just want to get this simple message out there ahead of time: anybody, especially Democrats, who want me to take them even slightly seriously when they complain about President Cruz
delaying enforcement of, for instance, the National Firearms Act of 1934 must publicly support the impeachment of President Obama over his many usurpations of legislative power. They must do so now
, while there’s still a chance it might matter.
Otherwise, some Democrat has complaints about a Republican supposedly violating the Constitution? Here’s Sweetie Bot to show them all the fucks I give:
They just caught a serial killer. This particular monster targeted homosexual men, because his religion preaches that homosexuals should be killed. He also selected his victims on the basis of their national origin. Every one of his murders was a double hate crime, or the term “hate crime” needs to be expunged as useless gibberish.
When Matthew Shepard was murdered, that was front-page news for weeks. Somehow, four murders (four that we know of, anyway) is a Local Crime Story.[I just can’t figure it out...]
Oh, wait, maybe I can figure it out. Ali Muhammad Brown’s death-to-gays religion is Islam, and the nation he hates is America. If enough national news organizations valued their liberal biases over honest journalism (and over ratings as well), they could suppress a story like this.
But that can’t be it. Everybody assures me that liberal media bias is just a right wing conspiracy theory.
I don’t understand why this isn’t getting more coverage, but the sanctions Obama is imposing on Russia are harsh
. I was expecting more of the “Halt! Or I’ll yell ‘Halt!’ again!” crap he’s using on the Iranian nuclear weapons program. Nope. Maybe Putin should be worried about ending up like Ambassador Stevens? He should be so lucky.
Something about the Anschluß of Crimea pissed Obama off, and he is not
screwing around. Comrade Colonel better give Ukraine back all of their territory pretty goddamned fast, or I don’t even want to think about what happens next.
For the full details, check this totally legit news site
I want it to be a hoax, but this site
is legitimate. Multiple sources agree
So, evil doesn't like ponies? Evil can suck it.
UPDATE: On further reflection, I think this GIF may be a better fit:
After all the damage the country has taken from the train wreck that is the “Affordable Care Act”, I thought people could use some good news. Just remember: no matter how badly the Keystone Koders screw up a simple e-commerce web site, you can still get health insurance. There is still a non-Obamacare market out there.
Sure, the constitution is on fire. Yes, prices are outrageously high. I know, everybody is required to pay for services that most of us will never want or need. Even so, it is possible to get insurance at all.
Rejoice, for things could be far, far worse: at least the bastards weren’t able to pass Single Payer.
And you can see how busy they are, at alexa.com
. As of this writing, healthcare.gov's US ranking is 381, which means that only 380 other sites are busier. I'll list a few of those amazing powerhouses, to show what the puny United States federal government is up against:Verizon
, at 368. They're in the business of selling internet access, so of course they can handle a big load.Walgreens
, at 350. You know, the drugstore chain.Toys Я Us
, at 347. The toystore. A frelling TOY STORE
can handle a heavier load than the signature accomplishment of Our Beloved God-King! If you want to buy a Twilight Sparkle night light
, private industry can accommodate you, but try to buy the insurance that the fed pointing a gun at your head commands you to buy? No can do. And the toystore actually has to have a room somewhere in which they keep a stash of actual night lights; insurance just needs money and record-keeping.
I thought Barry's Bozos needed to consult with IBM, or some other computer industry heavyweight. I didn't realize that they'd benefit from the insights of Ray-Ray The Armed Robber.
Yo, like, check it. When you stick a gat in they face and be all like "Watch and wallet, bitch! Phone and jewelry, in the damn bag!", you gots to already have a damn bag to put that stuff in. Oh, yeah, not just have the bag, but have it on you, knowwhatI'msayin?
Okay, what I said about mercy in the subject line? Yeah, no. It's not the load, it's the incompetence. Your agonizer, Mister Obama. Your agonizer, please
As everybody must know by now, all Americans are required by law[sic] to purchase health insurance. The required insurance is too expensive for lots of people, so His Royal Highness, King Barack I (peasants are reminded that use of the disloyal sobriquet "the Thin-Skinned" is punishable as lèse-majesté) has generously granted subsidies from His (well, technically, the public) treasury to defray the cost of this command upon His poorer subjects.
I recently stumbled across a worrying caveat to His royal generosity, at this IRS page
To claim the premium tax credit, you must get insurance through the Marketplace.
The "premium tax credit" is how the IRS describes the health insurance subsidy, while "the Marketplace" is how they describe the Obamacare Exchange operating at https://www.healthcare.gov/
Oh, wait. I used the wrong word again, didn't I?
Well, the inevitable happened again. This time it's twelve innocent lives snuffed out at the Washington Navy Yard, and still nobody wants to confront the real issue. How high does the mountain of skulls have to get before we can take the ghouls' toys away? How much blood has to be spilled before those soulless politicians stop taking bribes?
What the hell does anybody need a Gun-Free Zone for, anyway?
I was amazed to see Eric Holder's speech about Zimmerman's aquittal. "No matter how you feel about the verdict, the rule of law is far more important. Mr. Zimmerman has been found not guilty, so that settles the matter; he has committed no crime, and must therefore suffer no punishment." It's really touching to see such a display of honor and decency
Nah, I'm just fucking with you. That nasty little street thug accepting a verdict he doesn't like, just because the law says he has to? Never. Going. To. Happen.
Since he can't figure out any way to get Zimmerman, what with double jeopardy and all, he's looking for help. There is now a tip line for wannabe Stasi goons to suggest ways to persecute one American citizen who has committed no crime. Sure would be a shame if their vendetta contact address
were to be submitted to spam lists.
Everybody reading this already knows that Massachusetts routinely violates the second amendment, right? Sure, old news. What I didn't know is that the first amendment gets the same treatment. Put away any sharp objects before reading this